"This is not how it's supposed to happen! The baby isn't ready. Nothing is ready. How could Lillian be late and this baby be so early?"
My sister-in-law and the midwives recommended a tall glass of wine which was the best prescription a girl could get. The contractions slowed and stopped. False alarm. Ok, we can do this.
Our Rowan Taylor's birth story happened over a period of time with small stories like these. They call this "Prodromal Labor". Prodromal Labor means having regular cervical contractions without the result of labor. Most days (starting at the 35 week mark) I had a form of this false labor. Making all of us think about whether he would come early and definitely whipped us into shape to get ready for the baby.
On my due date (40 weeks), Kevin's dad and his wife Carolyn took Lillian to Stepping Stones Museum so that we could have some quality time together before the baby. It was wonderful. I made some jambalaya and we spent time outside with the dog soaking in the 60 degree Connecticut weather, cuddling together and talking all about life and God on our outdoor couch set. Kevin was expecting a package in the afternoon, so we went to the driveway and BAM, I went into nesting mode. We cleaned and reorganized the garage and then cleaned and reorganized the barn. I was moving heavy things in a craze to get things done and even took out the labeler and labeled nearly every drawer in the house. Carolyn said that when they returned I had a determined look on my face. And shortly after, the "real" contractions started.
My friend April and her boyfriend stopped by that night to give Lil her birthday present and she asked me how I was doing. I told her about the contractions, but they were few and far in between and it was probably false labor. When they left, I told Kev we should get some pizza because I didn't feel up for cooking. Bad idea. The contractions grew closer and stronger and I realized this was the real deal while at the restaurant!
"Check, please!"
I texted my parents and they came to stay the night to be with Lil if we had to run to the hospital. This baby was coming and coming soon, I could feel it!
Little did I know what the coming week would hold. 😂
That night the contractions made it to 2-3 minutes apart and we went to the hospital. I was not dilated enough and had to come home. At home, there were times where I would be laboring in the other room while Lil played with my parents. Sometimes she would come see what I was doing and she would nurse or copy what Kevin was doing to help ease the process. She would rub my back and look me in the eyes and say, "Relax, Mom." It was precious. She has such a compassionate heart and always wants to be a help. It was nice to have my parents to distract her when I needed space. The contractions were strong and ranged from periods of 2-4 minutes apart and 10 minutes apart for a total of 60 hours over the coming 3 days!!
Yes, 60 hours. The labor was physically and emotionally draining. There were moments of yelling out in pure frustration that things were not progressing and in the last 24 hours things changed for the better. I was able to breathe through the contractions and the pain felt good in a way because it was bringing me closer to meeting our baby. I hit a place of complete acceptance and peace.
We went to the hospital and Kevin and I had some beautiful (in a possibly masochistic way) quality time together. How often can you get 60 hours together as a couple once you have kids? Not very! The midwives and nurses said that our peaceful labor reminded them of stories of natural birth couples in the 70s, which was high praise. We were in the zone as a couple and ready for whenever this baby was ready to come. We laughed and talked about all the fun things we would do with Rowan and Lil when he finally came into the world. Kevin encouraged me to relax and move with the contractions, kissing me sweetly in between, reminding me of how proud he was of me and how amazing and strong my body was to be doing what it was doing. He massaged my lower back, and my stomach, and my arms for hours and hours with Lush massage bars (thank you to Tara for giving me those before labor picked up). There was such a presence of calm in the room.
Spiritual. Peaceful. Beautiful.
When I was 9cm dilated and about 20 minutes away pretty much from the baby being born naturally and the way we truly wanted, the doctor came in the room. The baby was high in the cervix and there was a serious risk for shoulder dystocia (when the shoulder gets stuck coming out, which is what happened with Lillian and thankfully it worked out okay for her but is an emergency situation). This could mean losing the use of an arm and even potentially mental retardation.
Rowan wasn't responding to the contractions, his heart rate was staying the same (a first look into his calm personality despite the insane circumstances around him) and we needed to seriously consider a c-section. Kevin and I looked at each other and just laughed.
We went through 60 HOURS of this craziness to result in a major surgical procedure which would mean months of recovery for me and the surgery itself has its potential risks. What to do? We locked ourself in the bathroom, prayed, opened the door and agreed to the c-section knowing it was the right thing to do.
Once the decision was made, they called the anesthesiologist and he took about 10 minutes to get to our room. It felt like a decade. I had long and strong contractions every minute until he came and that was the hardest part of the entire 60 hours! Knowing my body was doing what it was supposed to do, but also knowing that our sweet baby was at risk too. It was depressing to have pain like that, knowing the pain would not be used to bring the baby into the world. Finally, I was given pain killers and prepped for surgery. All was right with the world.
The room was crowded with the surgical team playing Selena (hilarious), setting up this big tent, and sticking me with all sorts of things. The doctor told me that she does cross stich as a hobby and to not worry which actually did calm my heart about the whole thing. My midwives stayed for the procedure and announced the birth as if I was having it the way I dreamed of, "We see the head... look at that head of hair! We see the body... long torso... it's definitely a boy! And he is here!" The surgical team and midwives cheered and celebrated with us commenting on how tall he was and how healthy and beautiful he looked. Selena's song, "I could fall in love with you... baby" was playing (hahahaha). It was truly special. Just as special as my natural birth with Lillian and we felt so blessed to finally meet our son. They placed him on my chest and Kev and I were in euphoria. He was perfect. Not a bruise or scratch. Just perfect.
Perspective. Life is all about perspective and I grew so much as a human being from this entire labor process. From the prodromal labor to working towards natural labor for 60 hours and watching it slip out of my control. I could see it as life being cruel to me, but I'm choosing to not let thoughts like that creep in.
The c-section has meant a longer recovery time. I danced out of the labor room with Lillian and went home soon after. With the c-section, I'm pretty much confined to bed rest and in the hospital for an entire week relying on everyone to help me with everything. Kevin's mom, his sister, his dad and Carolyn, and my mom and dad, and our neighbors and dear friends Andy and Tara, and many of my mom friends have been so helpful. My mom has co-slept with Lillian numerous nights, getting up with her through the night when she missed me, feeding her, bathing her, taking her on adventures to different places. My dad made tons of meals for us for when we get home and has taken Lil on long drives so that she can get her nap in and walked the dog for us and fed the cat and cleaned the dishes and the house, so that it would be clean when I returned. Kev's mom has come to clean the house and watch Lil so that Kev could have some quality time with the baby at the hospital and has even watched the baby at the hospital so that we could have quality time with Lil. Our friends Andy and Tara had Lil at their house on numerous occasions; and, Tara even rocked Lil to sleep one day when Lil was overwhelmed and missing me. My awesome mom friends Breska and Alissa came to the house on different occasions and played with their girls and Lil in the backyard while I was recovering in the hospital so that Kev could rest (from the 60 hour labor that he was so involved in) and also get work done on his business. Cassi and Andrea, amazing mom friends, set up a meal train so that I would not have to worry about meals in the coming weeks when I wouldn't be able to move much at home. Such a blessing to have so much support during such a challenging time!
There was a measles outbreak near where we live, so it has been hospital policy that Lil (and anyone under the age of 12) can't come anywhere near the baby or the recovery room. So I've had to nurse Lil in the hospital lobby and try to explain to her what is happening and only have been able to spend a couple hours with her each day. During one of our meetings in the lobby, I gave her a special gift of my bitty baby (and all of the clothes and books and toys that comes along) that I played with when I was a little girl. She loved the gift right away and named the baby "Jo Jo" (one of her friend's nicknames). She asked to change Jo Jo's diaper and put on an outfit that looked like the one she was wearing and then used the toy baby Bjorn that I had when I was a kid to walk around the lobby with the baby and was pretending to give the baby a snack. She was so proud! I showed her pictures of the c-section when Rowan was born and she was fascinated and asked to bring Rowan to our house and play. Such a sweet time with this intelligent, little, brave, girl. These meetings have helped me ease her into the idea of having the baby come home with us soon.
On another bright side, this time of recovery has been a terrific bonding time Rowan! I've had all the time in the world to cuddle and nurse and sing and just be with him before going home. If I had done labor the way I wanted, I would have wanted to come home right away and would not have had any rest before starting life with 2 children. I know Rowan's sleeping patterns, different cries, diaper schedule, and the way he likes to be held and know that this will help ease us into finding our new normal when we finally go home. God knew that. I can see the small ways he is blessing our family, even in recovery.
Family, friends and lots of people from the church have stopped by the hospital to see the baby. We have received hundreds of texts and notes and gifts and flowers and offers to help with Lil and the house and feel so loved by our little village.
Welcome to the world Rowan Taylor! We love you and can't wait to bring you home and live life with you ❤️
